I can't get over how the second chorus on “The Rat Who Would Be King” by Matthew Good Band makes me feel. The whole album was a triumphant and beautiful release by the band. Sadly, it was their last album, but wow, what a way to go out. Matt Good has sorta lost his touch since and I think is focusing too hard on becoming a memorable folk-rock icon. He's a bit egotistical and I think that's what is leading to his decline in recent years. MGB brought something fresh and innovative to the table, and Matt's ego and attempt to be taken “seriously” and play “weirder?” music broke the band up. You also have to consider his closed-mindedness when it came to the other members' input. Like in relationships, you can either gain or lose in that situation. If someone comes into your life and brings new opinions, different tastes, and passion, you can be the greatest thing since sliced bread, or perhaps the invention of the pizza pocket, yo. You both can constantly generate new passions, happiness, and quench the thirst of learning new general things about the world and each other. Or you can be like Matthew Good and ride the ego train to mediocrity to the point where you hit your late 30's and use the fact that you OD'd on pills to sell an album.
I'm doing well. Excited about what you humble peasants call “The Holiday Season”. Company Christmas parties galore are upon me. Fresh TV on the 10th, WGC party on the 11th, and my favourite The Characters Christmas Party on the 15th. So excited about that one. I like to see my coworkers tanked and singing Christmas Carols while everyone gets awkward Secret Santa gifts.
For some reason I've been thinking about my age lately. I know 25 is quite young but there is something internally inside of me that makes me stop and say 'sloooow down a bit' life. Since turning 24 or so, I've noticed some great maturity in myself and my ability to overcome problems and inner demons that plagued me for most of my life. However, health-wise, it's been sort of downhill. Back when I was living on Maitland, I found myself bedridden with extreme pressure in my head and ears, also with the worst heartburn I had ever had. Well, the odd thing is, I STILL get painful heartburns daily – mainly when I am put in a stressful situation. Is this an ulcer? Or is this just a common problem everyone has, but I was lucky enough not to get it. Either way, I am coping with it. The ear problems have persisted though, and asking my doctor the other day, he thinks I have developed some sort of allergy that affect my sinuses; which had never bothered me in my life. But I never like to end a paragraph on a negative note so: Puppies!
Speaking with Jess and Kasia yesterday, I realized how proud I have to be of myself and where I have come from only a mere three years ago. I had a social phobia that was so severe that I couldn't answer phones, talk without stuttering/being afraid to talk, meet new people, and generally progress intellectually. I also read old journal entries and though I praise my writing ability and humourous cynicism of yesteryear, I was quite a mess and stressed over such silly things that I shouldn't have ever been. Yeah, I was just a kid and all but I really let things affect me. In the future, I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff and look at the big picture more rationally. I look at myself now and I am excellent with people, I am getting back into my creative groove, and I have an everlasting amount of ambition.
I no longer fear failure because I know I can overcome things simply if I am the least bit capable of achieving them.
Above: If I was handicapped
