Hipsters

A friend of mine had a Facebook status that read “Hippies are short for hypocrites”. Now, I know I have some apparent hipster traits myself, but I am beginning to get extremely annoyed with hipsters/scenesters around this city. Mainly because of the following hipster/scenester traits:

Transportation
You’re not a hipster unless you have the following means of transportation. One, being the old, creaky, one-working-gear-often-sky-blue-in-colour bicycle they bought from a garage sale. Of course, to symbolize the ‘cherry on top’ we couldn’t forget the basket on the front…because how else would they carry their expensive organic vegetables and green tea? Second, being the over-twenty year old Toyota hatchback equipped with atheism-based bumper stickers, and of course an acoustic guitar case taking up most of the back seat. So you care about the state of the Earth eh hipster? Why you driving a car over twenty years old then? E-tested?

Hipster Fashion
I want to gouge out my eyes when a see a wall of hipsters walking towards me. Often sporting the ‘I don’t care look’, hipsters enjoy dressing in an effortless and purposely ironic style. Let me elaborate. The 80’s was an awful decade for fashion with an array of mismatched clothing and haircuts. To rebel against the current system, a hipster would adopt a horrible 80’s trend and incorporate it in their daily routine. One example are the Tom Cruise ‘Risky Business’ sunglasses (boxy, square shaped glasses). I don’t care what anyone says, those glasses look ridiculous on anyone. Add in some trucker hats; geez, nothing more ironic than a hipster sporting trucker-gear (see, truckers are often good ol’ boys, sometimes racist…I can see the Hitler mustache being the next ironic fashion quip in the future hipster world). Also, I can’t leave out their asymmetrical hairdos.

The mustache has returned, for those who don’t have one or a beard, aren’t considered true hipsters…similar to an apparent Doors fan who has to think about who played bass guitar in the band. In the end, this effortless style they are trying to display, ends up being more elaborate and noticeable than any normal person. I thought Hipsterism came from within? Not from the exterior. Shame on you hipster.

Photography
Hipsters enjoy taking pictures. Which is totally cool with me – I love photography. To poke fun at myself too, they often have blogs where they take pictures that take up most of their posts. Pictures of organic foods, deserts, and the most of the time self portraits of them not smiling nor looking at the camera…as if to say ‘THIS is how I look all the time, someone just happened to take a picture of me deep in thought…THIS is how thoughtful and unique I am’. Give me a break.

Douglas Copeland
Get over it hipsters, he’s a shitty writer.

High Fidelity Obsession
High Fidelity was a decent MOVIE. It’s not a way of life. I’ve met many a-hipsters in my day who quote the movie over and over, bark out their “Top 5’s”, and organize their vinyl record collections similar to how John Cusak did. PLEASE watch a different, less pretentious movie. I know working in a record store with Jack Black seems appealing, but imagine a world full of hipsters running music stores…you wouldn’t be able to buy anything without the fear of being labeled as a mainstream music listener.

Which brings me to my next point, do hipsters realize how much they are mainstreaming indie music? Just to eventually hate it for that reason? Do they realize that now being part of the hipster movement is now the mainstream? Just try walking down Kensington Market and trying to find someone who is NOT a hipster!

To conclude, I don’t hate all hipsters. I have friends who would be considered hipsters. This is more aimed towards the ones that tend to act like fundamentalist Christians who barked out their beliefs and opinions on people.

I’m sure he is playing a Nick Drake song

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Song of the Day: King Rat – Modest Mouse